By PHAKAMISA MAYABA
It seems only yesterday that I was scouring the internet hoping for something – anything – remotely political to tide our readers over while the big guns were on holiday. It would hopefully serve as a token of gratitude for their invaluable support of our modest cause. But I found squat.
At one point, I even considered rummaging through the trash at a popular local hostelry, hoping I’d stumble across the sort of evidence a Daily Maverick associate editor once found outside a villa in Camps Bay in Cape Town, rented for a weekend of debauchery by an EFF crowd headed for parliament.
Sadly, my search turned up no condoms or spent bottles of Veuve Clicquot, and I also lack Marianne Thamm’s ability to weave a big story out of rubbish. Besides, these are the boondocks — you’d be hard-pressed to find two well-known politicians in this town on the same evening.
Then again, it’s the new year, and hope and surprises spring eternal. And if a certain hound in the media space has his bearings right, Saffers appear to care more about who’s doing who which way in the political sphere than they do about the Springboks.
H’m, said I, no freakin’ way that the world champs would come second to anyone. But the newshound dug in his heels: for freelancers, he continued, the pastry is in everything else, but the filling is always in politics. People will gladly toss the scantily clad Zodwa Wabantu aside in favour of the besuited men who make the laws and call family meetings. Except for that minister who once whipped it out on video, eventually in front of the whole country, and lived to hold court at Home affairs and lecture us on things like naturalisation, not even sex sells enough to sate the general political appetite.
It was only a matter of time – I hoped — before somebody would cock something up, effectively jolting us from the reverie of the holidays back into the madness of the poitical circus. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait for long.
The first fumbler was none other than an alumnus of Northwood Boys’ High School, with the prefect-like attitude to match and the liberal tendencies you’d expect to find in posh English suburbia. Our brother John Steenhuisen was once an outspoken critic of those things that are perceived as ANC accessories: corruption, patronage and blue-light convoys, insisting that those guys were blowing loot that was supposed to feed the poor.
Turns out, as the twitterati pointed out, that he had only harboured these sentiments about blue-light conveys at least because he’d never been conveyed in one. But now he’s not just the leader of the DA, but a cabinet minister. His party has used this particular perk to smear an ANC ruling elite that relishes excess, so aloof and out of touch with the people that they demand preferential treatment even on public roads. As minister of agriculture, however, our man has turned a blind eye to the luxurious 2018 Audi Q7, 2019 Toyota Prado and 2020 BMW X5 parked outside his office, blue lights and all.
In his defence, Steenhuisen has basically said he wasn’t really to blame, and proceeded to point the finger at some of his predecessors. Also, the party leadership were quick to point out that it didn’t matter whether a vehicle was fitted with blue lights, the real issue was whether those lights were actually used. Though not quite the stuff of an Angelo Agrizzi testimony, it still got tongues wagging, and gave us something to write about.
Then came what one might call a party. What I’d presumed would be a mournful gathering – more introspection than gyrating, and perhaps earnest prayers to Christ to delay coming back, especially since he might be well on his way after May 2024.
There was singing, champagne and a massive cake cut by a coterie of very important people, celebrating a very special occasion: the ANC’s 113th year. The way the comrades were carrying on, you’d swear that these were the glory days – a two-thirds majority, a ballooning black middle class and a steadily growing economy.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get more bizarre, uBaba metaphorically gatecrashed the shindig when, in a letter dated 8 January, (B-day) he demanded the ‘immediate reversal’ of his expulsion from the ANC.
With a stroke of his (or his lawyers’), pen, the attention shifted away from what was to all intents and purposes a party that had niks to celebrate anyway. Not unless you consider a serious loss of support as an occasion that calls for a toast.
The ANC faithful jumped to the rescue, with some reducing the man at whose pleasure they had once served to a ‘mischievous’ party pooper. While the term ‘toeing the party line’ has seemed ubiquitous in Mzansi politicking, apparently Zuma’s current outfit — the MKP – has cut against the grain to allow for dual membership in certain circumstances.
Lastly, it seems like the People’s Bae has finally come to terms with the writing on the wall. After considerable endurance, the EFF MP Dr Mbuyiseni Ndlozi has Finally decided to step down. It was a long time coming, given the clearly strained relations between himself and the commander-in-chief, Julius Malema. Though the leader may obstinately believe that Ndlozi’s departure is nothing but a matter of ‘good riddance’, it may well signify the end of a chapter – if not the party itself – for the EFF.
The ‘starrings,’ township parlance for the lead characters in a particular play, literal or otherwise, have virtually all abandoned Malema. In some ways, this leaves a huge vacuum, particularly for young voters. The EFF has been popular among young people who have felt that ‘the broad church’ is too soft on issues like ‘black economic freedom’, and an MKP that seemed nothing more than Zuma’s fiefdom in Nkandla.
Take solace, however, in the face that as far as the regular itinerary of local politicking goes, these incidents are so mundane they will have been forgotten by the time you sit down for breakfast tomorrow. They are big-men flexes and displays of ego, and little more than insignificant squabbles that ultimately have no bearing on the day-to-day experiences of the average South African.
However, the fact that the political show has gotten off to a quick start can only suggest that the drama and scandals are imminent. Add to that a GNU that is still trying to come to terms with itself, and 2025 will prove another interesting year in the land of Mzansi.
Regrettably, many of the nation’s papers are either closing down or asking you to pay to read them online. If you’re one of those who, like this writer, cannot afford such indulgences, take heart that here at, eParkeni and Toverview, we’ll always have your back. So if you’re on the lookout for an easy, enjoyable read, keep on coming back — if for nothing else, at least to boost our analytics.
FEATURED IMAGE: An ANC birthday rally.